The difference between a naming ceremony and a christening
Looking for a non-religious alternative to a christening? Read a clear explanation of the difference.
NAMING CEREMONIES
You've talked about it between yourselves, probably late at night, probably more than once. You'd love to gather everyone together and properly welcome your little one into the world. You just don't want to stand in a church and promise something you don't believe. You’ve heard of a naming ceremony but still not sure what it is or if it’s going to feel just as significant as a christening. Let me explain what a naming ceremony is like when I deliver it.
What a naming ceremony actually is (and what it isn't)
A naming ceremony is a non-religious ceremony that welcomes a child into your family and into the wider circle of people who love them. It's where you say out loud who this child is, who's got their back, and what you hope for them. In essence, it’s a non-religious alternative to a christening and one which is just as special and significant, just without the religious bit!
It doesn't need to happen by a certain age. I've written them for new babies, for five-year-olds, or for a whole set of siblings at once, or for a child joining your family through adoption. If you're marking a name change or a new family, that counts too.
It also isn't a fixed script. There's no set order of service handed down to me that I have to follow. I build every naming ceremony from scratch, from your family, your story, the things that make you laugh, the people who matter. A naming ceremony is built around your family rather than around a tradition.
What about godparents?
You can absolutely still have them. Having "godparents" is such a lovely, familiar role and nobody wants to lose it. Some families keep the word godparent exactly as it is, religious connotations and all, because it's what everyone understands and it's what the person themselves would like to be called. Others prefer guideparents, guardians, mentors, or something they've made up entirely that suits their family. I've no rules about this. Pick a title that feels right for you.
What matters more than the title is the promise. In a naming ceremony, the people you choose actually say promises in their own words, not words that they just repeat with no control over what they are. The title you give them is much less important than the fact that your chosen people say something they mean.
"But won't it feel like a lesser version of a christening?"
No and here's why. What makes a ceremony significant has almost nothing to do with how old the tradition is or the building it takes place in. It's whether the words people are saying are said with meaning and commitment. A room of people goes quiet when they hear something specific and real about a child they love, when a grandparent's voice cracks halfway through a promise.
A naming ceremony has an advantage a christening doesn't: every single word in it is chosen for your child. Not read from a book that has said the same thing about every baby for centuries. Your child's name, your family's story, the people you've chosen, the hopes you actually hold. A ceremony feels real, significant and important when the words in the ceremony are said with meaning and intention, not because it’s tradition.
I've yet to see a guest walk out of a naming ceremony thinking it was a lesser version of anything. What I hear afterwards is people slightly surprised at how much they enjoyed it and how much more significant it was because it was personal.
Why explaining a naming ceremony to your family can feel so much bigger than it actually is
So now we get to the bit that actually keeps you awake, which isn't the ceremony at all. It's your mum, or his nan, or the aunt who has already asked twice when the christening is. You’re worried about telling them that there isn’t going to be a christening and disappointing them. I promise this is a much smaller problem than it feels like when it’s keeping you awake at night.
A christening is familiar. Your family knows what happens, what to wear, what to buy, what happens afterwards. When you say the word "christening", a whole picture appears in their head straight away. When you say "naming ceremony", quite often nothing appears at all because for many people they don’t know that there is a non-religious alternative to a christening but one that still carries the same significance.
So when you’re imagining telling your family and visualising the reaction on their faces, that you’re not having a christening but having a naming ceremony instead, what feels like disapproval is more likely to be confusion or a head full of questions. Most of the time, your family isn't objecting to your choice, they simply don’t understand what a naming ceremony is. Your job isn't to win an argument. It's to fill in the picture.
How to tell your family you're having a naming ceremony instead of a christening
If this bit is really worrying you, my advice would be to not say: "we've decided we're not having a christening". Instead say: "we're having a naming ceremony in October and we'd love you to be part of it". The first one sounds like something has been taken away. The second one sounds like a celebration which you want them to be part of.
People react to change better when you lead with the thing you're doing, not the thing you're not doing. Most of the upset comes from people hearing "no christening" and stopping listening there.
Then, give them a job. Ask your mum to do a reading. Ask your dad to say a few words about what he hopes for his grandchild. Nobody stays sceptical about a ceremony they're standing up in. It's very hard to feel shut out of something you're part of.
Be honest, kindly. "We didn't feel right making promises in church when we’re not religious" is a sentence most people, including religious people, will respect. You're not rejecting their faith. You're simply saying we respect yours but it’s not right for us.
If you're still on the fence
Most families I speak to are still somewhere between "we think we want something" and "we've no idea what that something looks like", and that's a completely fine place to start from.
If you're somewhere in Yorkshire, the North East or Teesside and you'd like to talk it through, I'd love to hear about your family. No obligation, no hard sell, just a chat about what your day could look like and how to bring everybody with you. You can book a call with me here, I'm always happy to talk things through and explain more so that you have all the facts and can decide if a naming ceremony is the right choice for you.
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including Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Sunderland, Darlington, Durham, York, Harrogate, Ripon, Thirsk, Richmond, Northallerton, Scarborough, Whitby, Alnwick and happy to travel further.
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